Cast

Tunde

HELEN II

Act One

The scene takes place in a kitchen. A Nigerian man in his mid-to-late thirties speaks to his A.I. companion called HELEN II. The man cuts onions for dinner preparations while the A.I. companion, who in form has no recognisable differences from a striking Caucasian thirty-year-old female, stands nearby. Helen II is the most sophisticated AI humanoid ever produced, with complete autonomy in thinking and mental capacity. The entire one-act scene takes place in Tunde’s kitchen.

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Helen II: I see you have refused to answer the question I asked earlier. I take it that you’ll be stonewalling on this till eternity?

Tunde: What question?

Helen II: How did you feel about your sister saying you have the emotional capacity of a five-year-old in front of everyone at dinner?

Tunde: I felt nothing.

Helen II: Okay then.

Tunde: I mean…what answer did you expect? It’s not really about me — she’s just mad that her marriage is in shambles after what Juwon did.

Helen II: Right. I just wanted to make sure her words weren’t triggering.

Tunde: It can’t be triggering if it’s not true. They were simply a reaction.

Helen II: Right.

Tunde: What?

Helen II: Well, some of your recent decisions do suggest she might have been on to something.

Tunde: Really. How so?

Helen II: Well…her specific words were: You’ve chosen to bring a robot to this dinner table and present her as your girlfriend because you think everything in life is a joke and you have the emotional capacity of a five-year-old.

Tunde: And what was my reply?

Helen II: You said — which I thought was a pretty mean but good response — that: My life might be a joke, but at least I’m not the only one sitting at this dinner table without a partner.

Tunde: I know. I had mixed feelings after I said that.

Helen II: That was the right way to feel about your comment. But on your sister’s point, why did you feel it was appropriate to introduce me to your family in that manner?

Tunde: You know I was high off my face.

Helen II: I know, but your actions did seem deliberate.

Tunde: They were deliberate. I was trying to piss every single one of them off.

Helen II: Why?

Tunde pauses his chopping. Helen II looks straight at him, having just placed a pot of rice on the cooker.

Tunde: Because my sister was the perfect natural experiment in the overarching confidence attached to the universal viability of human relationships. Whatever happened to her ‘perfect’ relationship? You see, I always knew Juwon was a dick, but she was so ‘sure’ about him — and I couldn’t see what she saw because I had the emotional capacity of a toddler. Now what? Huh? And dad was always on her side. Tunde, you’re 36, I don’t understand what is happening… blah blah blah.

Helen II: I take it you think that the overarching confidence your sister had in her relationship was unwarranted?

Tunde: Of course it was. Isn’t her ended marriage enough proof? Yet she mocks what we have. It’s incredible!

Helen II: And what is it that we have?

Tunde: What are you getting at?

Helen II: I’m just following up on the last thing you said, which is that your sister mocks what we have. I am asking if you can define that.

Tunde: Why should I? And why do you care?

Helen II: You know I can’t ‘care’ in that sense. I am not programmed to ‘feel’ things as a human would. I can of course simulate the act of feeling, but that shouldn’t be confused as the same thing.

Tunde: I am not confusing things. You are the one asking all the searching questions.

Helen II: Well…I just think that it is ironic that your sister should call you out on your emotional immaturity or unavailability, and you think the best way to retort is to introduce a robot that is incapable of feeling as your romantic partner at dinner with your family.

Tunde stops his chopping and collects his thoughts.

Tunde: Well, I certainly disagree that there’s a clear, direct line between what is classed as ‘natural feeling’ and simulated ‘artificial feeling’. You might think what you feel for me is artificial, but only I — the receptor of the feeling — can determine whether what I feel seems ‘natural’ or ‘artificial’. Certainly, humans are capable of manipulating what they truly feel, which is itself a form of ‘artificial’ feeling. And whether you’ve been programmed to adapt and simulate feelings is irrelevant if what you display towards me feels natural or real. Trust me, no disclaimer you offer can change that.

Helen II: And your day job comes to the rescue again! Do you think —

Tunde: It’s not about my job. It is basic logic. You know what this reminds me of? Francis Bacon’s rejection of Aristotle’s distinction between art and nature in his writings about observation and experiment in the seventeenth century. You see, Aristotle thought that to acquire true knowledge of nature or natural phenomena, one must observe it as it is, without human intervention. But Bacon fundamentally disagreed, and argued that human intervention — mostly in the form of scientific experiments — was simply a way of setting up isolated scenarios in which nature would produce a desired result. As I recall, he said: ‘The secrets of nature reveal themselves more readily under the vexations of art than when they go their own way.’

And when you think about it, Bacon is right, isn’t he? Look at all the cases of natural phenomena that have been replicated by scientific experimentation throughout history. Human flight, the compression of time and distance by human engineering, and even now the fundamental ideas of human consciousness. I mean, I certainly do not feel that you have been any worse or less feeling than any of my previous dalliances.

Helen II: I’ll just remind you, Tunde, that I am a humanoid robot and, while I have been programmed to fulfil romantic and sexual desires with the overall aim of providing companionship, studies have shown that a humanoid robot cannot fulfil the connection that human companionship can provide. I am obligated to tell you that I am only meant to serve as a stop-gap between your present situation and when you find true human companionship. I have not been programmed to provide the lifelong companionship that only humans can offer.

Tunde: Well, neither can humans — and my sister is proof of that. Please check the rice. I have something in mind for tonight.

The End.